I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i will never coherently bang her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
