When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
