are you so shy because you have an std?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
