Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Four minutes until I can fart!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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