saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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