"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
