How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
