It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
