i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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