So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
