I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize