His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
