omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
