i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
