how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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