chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
