Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
