I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
