then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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