Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
