I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
