did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
