I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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