My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
