is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
