i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
