i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
