I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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