Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
