I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
