will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
