i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How's work?
Spinning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
