1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
