Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
