i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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