I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
