oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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