i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
