I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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