The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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