I just cut my nipple shaving
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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