How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
