She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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