Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
