Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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