you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
