Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found puke in my bra..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
