i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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