she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
