You're my little dorito
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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