see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
