My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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