I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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