I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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